I've spent so much time trying to figure out what it means to be a woman I've no clue what real masculinity looks like. Now I find myself at the end of a marriage to someone who had no clue what it was to be husband or father, or even to be himself in any way; and looking into the eyes of my beautiful baby boy wondering, "What do I tell him about what it means to be a man?" I so desperately want to give him an answer that will give him a sense of pride and identity and enable him to grow and love in this life as a whole human who is unavoidably and wonderfully male.
I know so many "lost boys" unable or afraid to grow up with little sense of purpose or ambition or any sense of "manliness"... just stammering through life. What makes them male? Is it the boyish cartoon violence of gaming, sports, and hunting; the marks of poor relational skills or boisterous body functions; the latest colognes or cars? It seems these may be there options when it comes their identifying sources of "manhood." Certainly manhood is not only having a penis, or peeing standing up, or belching with a beer can in hand.
I have a feeling we as a culture are in this place as a whole-- having striven to find a place for femininity in the modern world for so long, true masculinity is also all but lost, so that gender has become an increasingly fluid concept. I can't help but feel that somewhere between "Leave it to Beaver" and the Playboy Mansion we've not gained sexual liberation, but rather become even more lost when it comes to who we are and what are sexuality has to do with it. But we are still persons with gendered bodies and we must give some account for what meaning this has upon our lives and how we relate to one another.
The answer can be neither chauvinistic hierarchy nor degradation of maleness so that being male is something fundamentally bad to be, and at this point, it sure feels like those are the two options.
What is the relationship between our gendered bodies and who we are? How are we to have intimacy as females and males in this world? How are we to be females and males-- while yet being utterly and unifyingly human? Can we each have a sense of pride and group belonging in regards to our gender as a facet of our identity and personhood without fundamentally undermining the importance of gender equality and egalitarian relationships in work and home?
What is maleness and does Christ in any way redeem it or embody it?
Where is my William Wallis? Or is this rugged warrior and passionate family man even the model of "manliness" I want beheld by my little boy's eyes? How do I help him to interpret and discern all the conflicting images of manhood and give him images that are healthy, whole, and worth taking pride in?
So here I go, embarking on a journey of heart, mind, and soul in hopes of finding an answer for the searching eyes of my little boy... this is for you, dear one. Everyone else, please read along and help where you can.
